The Blood & Moone Files – Episode 8: Oil and Water (Final Edit) Written by Justin Evans | Final Showrunner Edit S1 - E8 - OIL AND WATER DOG BOY DAN It’s good to be back, my babies! Can you feel it, because I can. Welcome to this new episode of the Blood & Moone files. Today we catch up to the Blood and Moone boys as they track down a malevolent fire spirit called an Ifrit. This Ifrit’s been burning places down and causing a mess around the outskirts of town, but seems to be getting closer. A little too close for comfort in John and Chandler’s opinion, and frankly I don’t blame them for being nervous. They already got a first hand look at what the ifrit can do, and they don’t want to find out what happens if they get in its way or outright piss it off. I guess that’s just something we’ll have to figure out together, in today’s episode titled, Oil and Water. INT - CHANDLER'S DREAMSCAPE An echoey dreaminess can be heard. Chandler finds himself in a fantasy scenario with Jen. JEN Mmmm. Why don’t we take this to the bedroom? CHANDLER BLOOD I’m so glad you said that. JEN I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you. Strong hands. Such a sweet soul... Kissing sounds can be heard as the two embrace. Chandler pulls back and begins to realize he’s in a dream. CHANDLER BLOOD Wait. Something’s, not right. JEN What’s wrong sweet boy? CHANDLER BLOOD What? No, no. This... This isn’t real. I’m... JEN Aw, please? I’m ready for you, Chandler. CHANDLER BLOOD No! Why do you… Why do you look like her!? Stop! JEN What do you mean baby? CHANDLER BLOOD I mean, I’m not hooking up with a demon—especially not one wearing *her* face! A whoosh of dissipating glamor can be heard and the demon caym is revealed. THE DEMON CAYM Is that form not to your liking? CHANDLER BLOOD No! Jen is great. You’re a fucking demon! Why couldn’t you just take the hint and go away! THE DEMON CAYM We are one, my host. Why can’t YOU accept THAT? CHANDLER BLOOD You know what I accept? I accept that you’re a swindling, evil, being of hell. A damn demon! I don’t like you, I don’t trust you, I want you out of my head! THE DEMON CAYM *laughs* That’s exactly why I’ve been so compelled to accommodate. Ah, it all makes sense. *laugh* We are one, and you my dear boy are an innocent. Have you not felt more brash as of late? More confident... powerful? CHANDLER BLOOD What’s why? And, fuck you, get out of here and let me sleep you fucking fuck! If I’m an innocent, why the hell are you hounding me!? THE DEMON CAYM There it is. The fire in your belly. A backbone. It must feel strange to be growing one now, after all these years. CHANDLER BLOOD Ow—dammit! Let go! THE DEMON CAYM Quiet now, and thank you, my host. Listen carefully. I will not be banished or isolated again. I may not be whole but I am wholly done with being locked away. You are my host and I admit my baser instincts were on display when first we met but I am adapting. You will grow to accept our arrangement, which was your decision if you remember, or if you fail to adapt you will be quite displeased with the result. Let that simmer a bit, I’m making no promises or offering deals. I am, however, attempting to make you more comfortable and offering my services. Until we speak again, *my host*. We hear the air shudder a bit and chandler falls back to a deep dreamless sleep. INT - CHANDLER'S APT Chandler is getting ready to go to work downstairs, John is preparing for his day as well. Coffee is poured CHANDLER BLOOD Mornin’, there’s coffee. JOHN MOONE Thank god, that’s exactly what I need right now. CHANDLER BLOOD Yeah. JOHN MOONE You good? CHANDLER BLOOD Yeah, didn’t sleep good. JOHN MOONE Little friend come back? CHANDLER BLOOD No, no. Just restless. JOHN MOONE (knowing that was a lie) Ok then. When do you head in? CHANDLER BLOOD Bout twenty minutes. Might be a light day. What’d you got going on today? JOHN MOONE I’ve got a vessel to find. I might need you’re help later by the way, just depends on what I can do solo. I really just want to get this ifrit thing out of the way so we can get back to Cooke. At first I didn’t think he was anything but wolfy, but I just don’t know. That ritual we saw was some serious mojo, and it’s connected. *sigh* Anyway, if I can find the vessel we might be able to scratch this off the list and get down to real business. Is there any more coffee? CHANDLER BLOOD Wow, uh, yeah there’s more coffee. I guess just let me know what I can do. Down to one job so I’ll probably have some time. JOHN MOONE It’s probably for the best, Chan. I’m sure everything will work out. Just gotta take it one step at a time. CHANDLER BLOOD John? JOHN MOONE Yeah? CHANDLER BLOOD How do you keep your shit together? JOHN MOONE Chan, my shit is all over the place. I’m just used to it I guess. When there’s no big nasties that need my attention, that’s when my shit goes awry. CHANDLER BLOOD Hmm, ok... Well I gotta be heading out. Good luck with the vessel hunt, I guess. JOHN MOONE Thanks. Tell Abe I said “Hi”. The door closes as Chandler walks out. JOHN MOONE Shit. Please don’t let us be absolutely fucked on this. John slurps down the rest of his coffee and when the cup hits the counter we cut out to silence. DOG BOY DAN Seems Johnny boy is sweating his to do list for the day. Now I know I procrastinate with the best of them but it seems like the boys are past the point of that being an option. John went traipsing around town while the Chan man did his grease monkey thing at Levine’s garage. First stop was the trailer park. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE I ain’t seen shit. DOG BOY DAN Next stop was the diner, by the time he got back into town proper he needed himself a cold drink and the fresh made slice of pie the establishment was known for was calling his name. John kept his ears open while enjoying the A/C and his dessert. Seems like the waitress had more than just iced tea to spill about the goins ons around town. DEB THE WAITRESS Hon, let me tell you, them poor folks have been through it. That boy of theirs, Tony, bless his heart. Thank god he lived. I think they’ll be at the hospital all night with him since he’s set to come home tomorrow, I hope they get some rest, his momma has been a mess. Damn shame, he’s a good boy. DOG BOY DAN Knowing that the Brooks family would be gone to the hospital, and their property would be vacant for the rest of the evening, John set out to pay the place a visit and to see what he could find. EXT - BROOKS FAMILY BURNT BARN We hear some boards moving and clattering, rubble crunching as john moves through the remains of the old burnt barn. JOHN MOON Well Ajim’s been here that’s for sure. Let’s see, damn, the ground is hydrophobic. This shit burnt hot. The whole barn and field should have went up with it, but it didn’t. Just another circle. *sigh in frustration* More movement can be heard as he continues to search for the vessel. JOHN MOON Come on. Where are you? *grunt of effort* A larger shift in debris can be heard as john grunts to shift it out of his way. Rising strings for suspense. JOHN MOONE Please be the vessel. John wipes away the ashes and dirt pulling the burnt cigar box from under the debris. He clears the box and finds the small revolver and an ornate silver flask. JOHN MOONE There you are. Seriously? A silver flask? Must be a bougie ifrit. No hint of anything spooky boobytrap related, that’s a win I guess. If you weren’t perfectly clean in the middle of all this shit I wouldn’t even consider you to be a vessel but here you are. Damn. Ok, time to track down some ancient all powerful shit. John get’s up and wipes off his pants as he turns to walk away. A low heated grumble can be heard, like a mix between an animal and some kind of burn er or torch. JOHN MOONE Oh you gotta be kidding me. What the hell is that now? Fuck, fuck, fuck. John picks up the pace as he curses, running towards safety and away from the area. More suspense music. Wait a beat or 2 and sniffing can be heard, slow stalking steps. Something approaches in John’s absence. AJIM *sniff sniff* It’s near, now, where are you taking the vessel young sorcerer?... Run or hide, it matters little. Ajim talks to himself in the empty barn debris, we hear his footsteps begin to walk away and a breeze picks up, then Ajim is gone, pursuing John and the vessel in his possession. Fade out. INT/EXT - CHANDLER'S APT The door opens and Chandler walks through. Shuffling cases and containers bumping, being opened, and pushed aside can be heard in John’s room. CHANDLER BLOOD John, I’m home! Hey, what are you doing back there? John? John, what are y- JOHN MOONE (panicked searching) Chan, thank god you’re home. We gotta get a move on. Have you seen any jugs? They’re like gallon size, like this big. John motions with his hands as he turns to Chandler then goes back to searching and sorting through his stuff. CHANDLER BLOOD Uh, no, why do you need jugs? JOHN MOONE I don’t need jugs Chandler, I need the contents of a very specific jug. I’m looking for… This! John pulls a jug up from the case he is looing in. CHANDLER BLOOD Which is?... JOHN MOONE Anointed oil from the Babylonians. CHANDLER BLOOD Uh, that’s a plastic jug, looks like oil though. JOHN MOONE It’s not the original packaging ok. CHANDLER BLOOD Not worth as much when not in the original packaging. JOHN MOONE It’s not an action figure man. CHANDLER BLOOD Well what is it then, because I just got off work, and I’m tired. Why’s it so important? JOHN MOONE Because we gotta put the ifrit back in the bottle. CHANDLER BLOOD Wait. hold up, hit the brakes and stop. Don’t genies go in the bottle? And why the hell are we messing with the ifrit thing, I thought it was gonna move along when it found whatever it’s looking for. JOHN MOONE I did find what it’s looking for. CHANDLER BLOOD Well give it to Ajim or whatever and get him the hell out of here. JOHN MOONE I can’t do that. CHANDLER BLOOD Why? JOHN MOONE Because I’m not letting anybody else get fucking flame broiled just because they were too close to what Ajim is looking for. And he *is* looking for Tony. I had an almost run in with him and he thinks Tony is a *little wizard* which means he thinks Tony was trying to bind him, but it was Rob. Wizard’s used to do that, they used powerful spirits like Ajim as batteries, basically. I’m not gonna let him get Tony. It’s time I got my hands dirty and do some good. CHANDLER BLOOD It’s time? I thought that’s the time you’ve been having for the past two years. Why the hell would you want to jump back into the fray? Just- A pounding at the door interrupts the boy's conversation. A voice is heard from the other side of the door. AJIM You cannot keep the vessel from me. I can smell its essence on the wind. Now, be good alshabab and open the door. Give me what I seek, or *burn* (alshabab meaning “young men” pronounced asha-babu {“u” is almost muted) John pours the oil into the vessel in a rush. CHANDLER BLOOD (whisper yelling to john) He’s here? He’s fucking here!? What are you doing? Just give him the damn thing. JOHN MOONE (whisper yelling to chan) Shut the fuck up and help me. Hurry. CHANDLER BLOOD (whisper yelling to john) Help you do what exactly? Ajim speaks from the other side of the door once more. AJIM I know you’re in there. Maybe this will convince you. JEN Chandler, run! CHANDLER BLOOD Jen!? Chandler begins to go to the door and John tackles him. JOHN MOONE It’s not her, he just wants to get to the vessel. CHANDLER BLOOD But. JOHN MOONE Get up! Come on move! CHANDLER BLOOD You better be right! Damnit! JOHN MOONE Get the lead out of your ass, back door, back door! CHANDLER BLOOD The back deck is half rotten! JOHN MOONE Then be careful! The door can be heard being unlocked and opened, the two burst through the door and then the deck gives way and they come crashing down to the ground very bruised but not broken. CHANDLER BLOOD Oof! Ow! Huah! Erp! Ah! JOHN MOONE Oof! Ow! Huah! Erp! Ah! CHANDLER BLOOD (pained) I fucking told you. JOHN MOONE (pained) Yeah, tell me more about it later. Come on, get up. *grunt of effort* The two get up and run around the building. JOHN MOONE That one. CHANDLER BLOOD I’m not stealing a car. We can just take mine. JOHN MOONE Not fast enough. CHANDLER BLOOD Oh, fuck me, man. JOHN MOONE You coming or you want to be barbeque? CHANDLER BLOOD Damnit. Fuck you for this. Glass breaks and the boys get in and start the engine. AJIM I will have the vessel! CHANDLER BLOOD Jen? JEN NO! The car peels out of the drive and down the street as fire whooshes by and misses the car. AJIM I will retrieve the vessel from the ashes of this village! Your smoldering corpses will offer no resistance! More fire can be heard as the car races down the street. CHANDLER BLOOD That WAS Jen! That fuckers throwing fire at us! JOHN MOONE Told you we had to move quick. CHANDLER BLOOD Are you fucking insane!? He has Jen, stop! We have to go back! Just give him the fucking bottle! JOHN MOONE Chan! He’s a rage spirit of fire and vengeance. He’s not gonna stop until Tony and his family are dead, and now us too probably! CHANDLER BLOOD I didn’t even *do* anything!! JOHN MOONE You’re coming with me to the lake, we need a lot of water, and you’re gonna help me or we’re all fucked! CHANDLER BLOOD Damnit! The sounds of thrown fireballs and racing engine fades away to silence. DOG BOY DAN Let’s take a breather for a minute my babies. Goodness, if the boys don’t deal with this mythical pyromaniac the whole town is bound to burn to the ground. It don’t look too good for the boys and for that sweet girl Jen either. Let’s check back in with them at the lake and hope, for their sakes, that John's plan is a good one. EXT - LAKE The car rumbles up and stops at the lake, the boys run down the dock stretching over the water. JOHN MOONE Over there, the dock, we need to get over the water. CHANDLER MOONE Why? JOHN MOONE I’m trying to ground out his power so we can trap him. CHANDLER BLOOD How the hell are you gonna trap something like that!? JOHN MOONE I’ve got something in mind. The air moves and Ajim appears. CHANDLER BLOOD (whispering) He’s got Jen. JOHN MOONE Shhh CHANDLER BLOOD (whispering) Man, fuck you, that’s the only girl in years that’s been nice to me. I’m not watching her burn JOHN MOONE (whispering) Just hold on. AJIM Stay. Ajim drops Jen to the ground she makes a pained sound and goes quiet. CHANDLER BLOOD Jen! AJIM There you are. The vessel, give it to me. CHANDLER BLOOD Jen!? Are you ok!? JOHN MOONE Come and get it you bag of dicks! AJIM If that is the path you choose, so be it. Burn! JOHN MOONE Burn the dock and the vessel goes to the bottom of the lake! Good luck getting it then! CHANDLER BLOOD Jen!? Oh god… The sound of the fire Ajim controls winding back down can be heard, he releases the power he was charging up upon thinking of the water. AJIM Clever one. State your bargain. I will entertain your offer for the vessel. JOHN MOONE Who says I’m offering a bargain? AJIM Please, child. Do not be coy. Speak. John lifts the vessel up and shakes it. JOHN MOONE Get in the bottle and don’t hurt anyone else. AJIM *laughs heartily and a little maniacal* No, child of man. I am made of wind and fire, sand and fury, I will grind and burn all to barren beauty. I take no decree from a mortal. I am the warden to those that do! I. Am. Ifrit! JOHN MOONE You. Are. Full of yourself! Ajim roars with fury and we hear a raging fire under his outburst. JOHN MOONE Deleo te. Adiuro te ad hoc vas. Adiuro te ad hoc vas. Adiuro te huic navigio! The sacred oil of the desert is bound to you! Now I bind you Ajim, I bind you to this vessel! CHANDLER BLOOD What the fuck is even that? Holy shit! We hear a swirling vortex of energy pulling the enraged ifrit into the bottle as he wails and screams. Then a small pop and the lid closes and it’s suddenly a nice day. JOHN MOONE Latin. CHANDLER BLOOD Since when do you know latin? JOHN MOONE Since when did you have a girlfriend? CHANDLER BLOOD Shit! Jen! They rush over to where Jen was dropped but find nothing. CHANDLER BLOOD Where the hell did she go? JOHN MOONE I don’t know. No footprints, no drag marks. No clue. JEN I’m over here. CHANDLER BLOOD Oh, thank god you’re ok! JEN Stop! Just, please, stop right there. I have to show you something. A sound of magic can be heard as Jen’s form shifts into a male form with flowy garments and a shaved head and long curly goatee. JOHN MOONE Your girlfriend is a djinn!? CHANDLER BLOOD I was dating a dude? JEN I thought you’d be more responsive to a female form. JIM THE DJINN But this is me. You may call me, Jim. I do appologize for deceiving you, Chandler. Thank you both. I’ve ran from Ajim for a millenia. I originally meant to simply find out if you were hunting me but I really did grow to enjoy your companionship, Chandler. You have a kind soul and a good heart. Count yourself lucky that he has befriended you John, a finer compatriot is nigh impossible to find. JOHN MOONE Why didn’t you tell us earlier!? Obviously we were gonna help. I mean, holy shit the whole town almost went up in flames today. CHANDLER BLOOD Jen’s a Jim? Wha-I-uh JIM THE DJINN My sweet friend, I know this is but another hardship for you to bear. Thank you, for your kindness. Please rest. *snaps fingers* JOHN MOONE Hey! What did you do with Chan! JIM THE DJINN He’s back home resting. He’ll feel much better in the morning. Now what can I do for you, to show my appreciation. JOHN MOONE You can tell me why you didn’t just take care of the ifrit yourself, you’re the all powerful being here. JIM THE DJINN (kindly) Even vast amounts of power has rules and limits. I am unable to resist the Ifrit’s. It’s just how things work. With my vessel occupied by my captor, I’m free. JOHN MOONE Wait, this is *your* vessel? I guess Rob was right about his being broken... JIM THE DJINN Call on me whenever you need me. As long as I am free I am a friend. Your trials have only begun, trust in yourself and your companion, you need each other more than you know. Chandler is stronger than you think. Poor boy, so high strung. *Snap* The snap echos and we hear the absolute power that is released in that moment. Sounds fade to silence. DOG BOY DAN So Jen was a djinn the whole time, wow, didn’t see that coming. Poor Chandler really can’t catch a break, all he wanted was a little female companionship. Well, with the Ifrit Ajim locked away and Jim the Djinn free, he snapped his fingers and ended up sending both boys back to the apartment and they slept a deep dreamless sleep. The blood and moone boys finally got some real rest. It’s the kind that you get when you’re just a small fry. That careless, free, unburdened rest, where any weight on your shoulders is lifted away, you wake up refreshed, enlivened, and renewed. Like most of us, John and Chandler hadn’t had that kind of rest in a very, very long time and it did the fellas some good. So good in fact, I’m a little jealous of em. Seems like being owed a favor by an all powerful wish granting ancient being ain’t exactly a bad thing. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see if and when that chip gets cashed in. Until next time my babies, get some rest yourselves. The Blood and Moone boys still have work to do. (outro credits, etc, etc)