The Blood & Moone Files – Episode 3: Huff and Puff (Final Edit) Written by Justin Evans | Final Showrunner Edit S 1 - EP 3 - HUFF AND PUFF DOG BOY DAN Welcome back my sweet babies! Ain’t it just delicious to be back? Seems like John and Chandler found themselves a true-blue vampire livin’ amongst the good folks of our sleepy little town. Now, most folks in a trailer park might not be the most savory sorts—but I’d reckon they ain’t bloodsuckers either. And in Reggie’s case? A fiend of the night *and* day. Now imagine if the Chan man’s TV hadn’t piped in a demonic pizza commercial, how long would it have taken to sniff out a vamp sleeping in a toolbox? Or a wolf for that matter? Let’s hope these new revelations don’t send Chandler runnin’ scared like a rabbit because we all know what hunts rabbits, don’t we? Let’s see how deep this hole goes, babies... EXT. RAMBLING ACRES TRAILER PARK – DAY SFX: WIND, DISTANT DOGS BARKING, A LAWNMOWER IN THE DISTANCE. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Alright, John. Good to meet ya. I speck I’m the only resident vampire in these parts. Y’all might just be the help I was lookin’ for. CHANDLER BLOOD (laughs nervously) Vampire, huh? Sure. C’mon John, this guy’s high as a kite. I’ll call the office, get someone to pick him up. JOHN MOONE Hold on. SFX: SUDDEN WHOOSH. REGGIE DISAPPEARS, REAPPEARS AT A DIFFERENT TRAILER IN A BLINK. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Y’all wanna come in or just gawk all day? CHANDLER BLOOD Holy shit pickles. (quietly to John) He’s fast as fuck boi. JOHN MOONE Was tryin’ to tell ya. You comin’? CHANDLER BLOOD You’re seriously walking into a murder-shack with a vampire? JOHN MOONE He’s a daylighter. They don’t feed on people... Mostly. CHANDLER BLOOD Mostly? JOHN MOONE It’s fine. Let’s go. INT. REGGIE’S TRAILER – DAY SFX: DOOR CREAKS. TRAILER AMBIENCE. A CEILING FAN BUZZES. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Have a seat—anywhere you like. CHANDLER BLOOD (under breath) Everything’s got a stain... JOHN MOONE Focus, Chan. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE So, y’all really don’t know about the beast? JOHN MOONE That’s why we’re here. What do you know? CHANDLER BLOOD “That’s” why we’re here? I thought- JOHN MOONE (through gritted teeth) Chan! CHANDLER BLOOD Fine. Yup, that’s why we’re here. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE I was out last week. Chasin’ a deer. Quick one too. Almost had it—then something beat me to it. Tore it apart. Like, *ripped*. CHANDLER BLOOD Dog? Coyote? REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Nah. Smelled kinda like dog, though. But... more. Blood, guts, and ass, man. Thing stank. JOHN MOONE Fruit or incense in the scent too? REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Yeah! Fruity. Like burning sage and rotten fruit salad. JOHN MOONE Full moon? REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Clear as day. Beautiful sky. Big ol’ moon. JOHN MOONE Werewolf. CHANDLER BLOOD C’mon. JOHN MOONE No joke. This one’s active. And close. The sage smell though... something’s weird here. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Shit. Ain’t no hairy hoss ripping deer on my turf. Let’s hunt this sum’bitch. JOHN MOONE I can help with that. CHANDLER BLOOD Well I can’t! REGGIE THE VAMPIRE I ain’t had a huntin’ buddy in a dogs age. (chuckles, pleased with his joke) CHANDLER BLOOD Ha, nice, but what am I supposed to do? JOHN MOONE It’s cool, ask around the park, Chan. Reggie and I will take a look around and try to track this thing. CHANDLER BLOOD Great... police work. JOHN MOONE (smiling) You’ll live. EXT. RAMBLING ACRES – EARLY EVENING SFX: CHANDLER KNOCKING ON TRAILER DOORS. TRAILER RESIDENT 1 (getting up) Somebody better be dyin’... CHANDLER BLOOD Hi. Town constable. Just a couple— SFX: DOOR SLAMS. CHANDLER BLOOD ...questions. Right. NEXT TRAILER – KNOCK TRAILER RESIDENT 2 (smoky voice) Sup? CHANDLER BLOOD Hi. You see any weird animals lately? Big dogs? Wolves? TRAILER RESIDENT 2 Wolves? You high? CHANDLER BLOOD No. Maybe. Look, it’s official business. TRAILER RESIDENT 3 You cool, man? CHANDLER BLOOD I’d like to think so. TRAILER RESIDENT 3 Then come in. But you gotta take a hit. SFX: CHANDLER COUGHS ON JOINT. CHANDLER BLOOD Oh, that’s... wow. That’s not tobacco. DOG BOY DAN Well, looks like Chan man’s gone from deputy to doobie diplomat. Hope he remembers what he’s out here for. Let’s check in with John and Reggie while they try to find something other than trees in the forest outside the park. EXT. WOODS – DUSK SFX: LEAVES CRUNCHING. JOHN AND REGGIE MOVE QUIETLY. JOHN MOONE Stop. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE You smell that? JOHN MOONE Yeah. Close. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Let’s move. SFX: SNAP! SOMETHING RUSHES THEM. JOHN MOONE It’s here! REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Come on, mutt! SFX: FIGHT BREAKS OUT. GROWLS. GUNSHOTS. GRUNTS. JOHN MOONE Back to the trailer! REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Mobile home, ace hole! JOHN MOONE (mutters encantation) Darkest midnight, shadows pitch, open pathways, doors do switch. INT. TRAILER – NIGHT SFX: BONG BUBBLES. CHANDLER MID-LAUGH. A door unlocks and opens down the hallway, John emerges. CHANDLER BLOOD ...and then I said “that’s not a ghost, that’s my grandma!” TRAILER CROWD (all laugh) JOHN MOONE Chan! CHANDLER BLOOD Oh hey, John! Guys, this is John. See, he’s real. JOHN MOONE We gotta go! SFX: CRASHING. CREATURE HITS TRAILER. TRAILER CROWD What the hell!? / Is that a bear!? / Dude! JOHN MOONE Move! SFX: FLEEING. CHAOS. EXT. TRAILER PARK – MOMENTS LATER CHANDLER BLOOD That felt real. Was that a *real* werewolf!? JOHN MOONE Yup. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE I’ll show you real. I’m the realest one around! CHANDLER BLOOD Where’d you come from!? REGGIE THE VAMPIRE (proud) I punched a werewolf! But then it ran. What else you need to know? JOHN MOONE Thanks, Reggie. REGGIE THE VAMPIRE Y’all owe me beer. INT. JOHN’S TRUCK – NIGHT SFX: ENGINE HUMMING. DRIVING. CHANDLER BLOOD Back in the trailer. You teleported, didn’t you? JOHN MOONE It’s complicated. CHANDLER BLOOD You’re hiding something. What kind of monster juice did *you* drink? JOHN MOONE Sleep, Chan. We’ll talk later. EXT. LEVINE’S GARAGE – NIGHT SFX: DOORS SLAM. GRAVEL UNDERFOOT. CHANDLER BLOOD Should we tell Abe about all this? JOHN MOONE Not tonight. SFX: A THUD NEARBY. CHANDLER BLOOD What the... JOHN MOONE That’s a sack. SFX: BURLAP. CHANDLER BLOOD That’s a pig’s head. WHY IS THERE A PIG’S HEAD!? INT. SHERIFF’S OFFICE – SAME NIGHT SHERIFF COOKE Gentlemen. Problem with our constable. DEPUTY JENNINGS Tampon boy? SHERIFF COOKE Find out who he’s runnin’ with. Fast. DOG BOY DAN Oh babies, the plot thickens like blood in moonlight. One mystery solved, another opened. Our boys better be ready... ‘cause hell’s just gettin’ started. (Outro credits, etc.)